Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
