I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she peed on how many people?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
