I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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