We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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