I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
