i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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