someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
