drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
