Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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