My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
