He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
