I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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