What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
