You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
