That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
