call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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