Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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