Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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