Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
