you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
