I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
