I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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