there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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