she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
