Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
