Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Alive.
So much puke
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
