so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
