my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
wow bdsm is so cute
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
