just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
