My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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