Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
