So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
