i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
