oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
