weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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