hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you traded sex for a burrito?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
