So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
