If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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