I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
