i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize