I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
