Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
