I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
