She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
