dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
