I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
