I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
