this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
