Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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