yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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