Im at strip club and am horny
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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