My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
