I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
