I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
