so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
