I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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