Sry I called you an 8
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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