Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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