If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
