Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
