I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
