he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
