you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
