Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
