my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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