dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
